That ship sucks

10 ways to cruise through and rise in corporate life

A quick guide to help you navigate the rough seas

1. Talk about being overworked

Co-worker: “Good morning”
You: “oh it’s been morning for me since 4 am, and I went to bed at 3:45 am”

2. Look tired and overworked

Keep an extra vial of glycerin to make your eyes look tired and watery when your boss is approaching. Also collect your empty coffee cups on your desk.

3. Be hard to find

Go to the gym, long walks, or long lunches, or all

4. Namedrop 18 projects as if you’re working on all them

Where 7 aren’t even projects, just acronyms followed by a tech term. e.g. SAP migration and API integration

5. Lurk on all the project slack channels

Then randomly ask someone about an insignificant comment they made weeks ago

6. Create Wikis about projects

And have them all basically say the same thing and interlink into each other and tag people that don’t even care

7. Go on JIRA sprees

Tag people and ask them to take a look instead of acknowledging the bugs

8. Take notes in meetings

+points if its in a notebook and not on your latptop

9. Email your meeting notes to the entire org

Make sure to specifically add your boss, her boss’ boss, and his boss

10. Speak exclusively in company jargon

Let’s drive customer benefit and move the needle so the ecosystem can thrive in a competitive landscape with synergy.

P.s. Shoutout to Sarah Cooper for inspiring us peasants to appreciate the ridiculousness that surrounds us daily 🙌🏽

If you’re laughing and you know it clap your hands (esp. digitally ) 👏🏽
Next: Starting a design project



Author of The Product Design Interview · @etsy ex @meetup @okcupid @mint ·

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